Warning...this is a total "woe is me" post...I am feeling like an Epic Failure in the Mommy department. Guess who is sick again? Little D. He has had an intermittent fever since Sunday afternoon. Temps have ranged from 101-105.6 (yes, scary high!). It goes up, we give him some Motrin. It goes down. We do the alternate-Motrin-&-Tylenol thing every 3-4 hours. If, heaven forbid, he is sleeping...and we go a whopping 5-6 hours without making our child swallow more sickening-sweet liquid, his temp spikes up to the scary levels. He moans, he whines, he gets all lethargic. It breaks my heart. The source of this fever? Unknown. I'm sure it is a random virus...yet another or a repeat one. He has little to no other symptoms. Just a little bit of nasal congestion, but nothing like the other times he has been sick with a horrible cough and congestion...and pneumonia and/or RSV. I'll be calling his clinic tomorrow, but I suspect there isn't anything his physician can do. They tend not to freak out over a child having a fever for a few days...but parents do.
So...after D being sick for nearly a week three weeks ago...and then me being sick for 2 weeks...now it is his turn again. I SWEAR we practice good hand-hygiene. I SWEAR we eat well. I SWEAR we are clean people. I SWEAR we are good parents...but I just don't feel like one right now.
To make matters worse...sleep has been total challenge this week. Remember a while back when I posted about our sleep training endeavors? Well, it had been going well...very well in fact. We were to the point where we could lie Little D down in his crib...still awake...and he would put himself to sleep (after the usual bedtime routine: bath, books, etc...). We easily shed the bottle and even weaned him off milk in his sippy cup. No crying, no tantrums, no real issues. He'd sometimes ask "Mama?" or "Dada?" a couple of times when we'd first lie him down, but we'd just either just ignore it or reassure him with a simple, "Night-night. Shhhh." and out the door we'd go. If he'd wake up in the middle of the night, he could put himself back to sleep. He'd even sleep "in" a little bit better...until 6:00 AM or even 6:15 sometimes. (Don't laugh...that is *totally* sleeping in for him.) Bedtime was early...7:00. It worked. Now...it wasn't always perfect. Occasionally, when he was sick...we'd get off a little bit...but not too bad...and never for very long.
This week...total going-to-bed nightmare. Bedtime routine has been more or less the same, but earlier because he has been really tired and somewhat cranky from not feeling well. Bath has been the same. Books have been the same. But...when the lights are turned off...this is when the nightmare begins. Crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, yelling, squirming to get down, yelling, "DOWN!" (as in downstairs) or "DADA!" or "MAMA!"(which ever parent isn't in the room). Repeatedly. Loud. Hard. He sounds/acts like he is TERRIFIED. It is like wrestling an alligator. A freakishly-strong toddler alligator who doesn't care if he hurts you or himself. After attempting to calm him down for what feels like several minutes (who could keep it up much longer?), I lie him down in his crib. He immediately gets up, shrieking even louder. Remember it is dark...(we don't use a nightlight...caused too much distraction)...in his room. He cannot see, nor can I. I worry he is going to fall over in his crib, smacking his face on the rails. I attempt to lie him down again. No success. I leave the room, letting this continue...but eventually go back in due to him literally choking after coughing so hard...and nearly vomiting. I pick him up. He is a hot, sweaty mess in my arms. I rock him...he slowly quiets himself down. I rock and rock...and rock...and rock some more...until I can tell he is sleeping/snoring. I attempt to lie him down. He wakes up...and we start over again...but it doesn't last as long. I rock him again...and wait...and wait...and wait...and just when I think I cannot sit there any longer...I stand up...and hopefully am able to lie him down in his crib. This process is repeated 2-3 times before he is successfully asleep in his crib and I am out the door. We sometimes repeat this in the middle of the night...but usually it is because his temp is back up...or so I think that is the reason.
I hope this is just sickness messing up sleep and our bedtime routine. It all started when he started getting sick again. I hope all that sleep training hasn't gone right out the window. Starting over...honestly?...sounds terrible to me right now. I'm not sure I can do it...but I know I will...right?
Is is possible he has developed some sort of fear surrounding his crib? I ask because two nights ago...in the throws of this bedtime fiasco...I caved in...and let him lie down on the mattress we had pulled back into his room. And he quieted much more quickly...almost immediately. I sat on the mattress and waited for him to fall asleep...but at least he wasn't shrieking. I suspect this was a more desirable compromise to him because he knows one of us sleeps WITH him if he is on that mattress. But I didn't stay in there...even though I don't think leaving him alone in there is a great idea...and I worried. I worry he'll get up and wander around in his room...his DARK room...and hurt himself...or get out of his room. I know we'll have to deal with those issues when he is out of his crib...but I don't think we're there yet. At least I pray we're not there yet. Are we? He isn't even two-years-old yet. Everything I've read said it is best to keep them in their cribs for as long as you can. He hasn't even attempted to climb out yet...not even once. He is a total thrasher when he sleeps...so I know he'll end up on the floor in anything but a crib. (He even rolls off the big mattress in there sometimes.)
I wondered if he might have developed a fear of the dark. I attempted turning on a little bit of a nightlight from an alarm clock (instead of dimming it all the way down)...but that didn't seem to help at all.
Any ideas? Is this all sickness related (which I pray it is)? Or...has anyone else had their child suddenly develop an irrational fear of their crib? How could things have gone from so good to so bad SO quickly? This sleep stuff...is hard. Right now it bites the big one.
So there..."woe is me." I know parenting is a hard job. I get it. I know I'm not the only one with a child who gets sick (a lot) and has sleep issues. I'm just currently quite sick and tired...of sickness...and subsequent tiredness. Thanks for listening to me whine. I'll go back to my happy/peppy posts soon...just as soon as I feel that way. For now...I'm going to bed...of which I'm slowly developing a phobia myself (anxiety regarding what is to come).
P.S. Do you notice I only post about sleep when it sucks? I guess when it is going well I don't even want to talk about it.
20 comments:
Oh Janet, I'm so, so sorry. No advice here (obviously) but we certainly feel your pain on the sleep stuff. I hope it is sickness related so that it doesn't last and you go back to the good stuff (yay for that, btw!). You have had a lot of sickness to deal with though, which just plain SUCKS. Thinking about you.
Ugh! You DESERVE to be upset about this! You guys get more than your fair share of illness. :(
I'm certainly no expert, but I really think part of this is b/c he's sick (probably a LOT of it). I know I get upset waking up during the night when I'm sick, and I'm sure he's just scared, lonely, and feels like crap. HOWEVER, I also think he's working you. He's definitely at the age where he gets how to manipulate. Yes, you have to be more compassionate when they're sick, but you don't have to throw rules and routine out the window. If he was used to the new(ish) bedtime routine, he can handle it when he's sick. We NEVER vary our routine, no matter what. But we also might be the biggest stickler-jerk-parents ever. It's just that now that there's two, we indulge a LOT less. I *totally* agree that you should go in during the night to soothe him - fever can give you some seriously crazy dreams and aches and chills. But as for the going-to-bed routine, I would stand your ground mama.
Ok, does everyone hate me and think I'm a mean mama now? :(
oh, janet...this sounds ROUGH! and a bit torturous...goodness, poor little D! i can only imagine how hard it is for him. :(
i hope he has a speedy recovery and that sleep-training goes back to where you left off!
Oh, Janet, I just can't believe your bad luck. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I would love to return the favor and bring you a meal. I can't offer any advice on the sleep front. We're still co-sleeping for both naps and bedtime. I was about to ask you for advice. I've got my fingers crossed for a quick recovery and break from illness for a LONG time!
man... i feel for ya. constant sickness is NO fun and i imagine even LESS fun when a kiddo is involved! really hopeful that the sleep situation is all messed up from little D just not feeling well... hopefully he'll get right back on track when he feels better which i hope is SOON! (you too!)
Well, I don't have any advice for you but I do hope Little D feels better soon. I'm sure his sleeping fears are because he's not feeling well. Hang in there.
I feel your pain! I could have written this exact SAME post. I feel the same way---are people wondering if I'm a good parent, etc. Being sick while trying new bedtime tricks adds stress on top of stress. So, just know, that there are other moms out there feeling the same way. Thank you for saying it out loud.
I am so sorry Janet:-(
We had a similar experience with Kyle a couple weeks ago. He went from putting himself to sleep and sleeping through the night in his crib to screaming and protesting the crib. This all occurred when he was sick and lasted a few weeks after being sick. He finally is back to putting himself to sleep so I think is was due to his illness. Hopefully Little D's sleep difficulties are also due to being sick.
(((Hugs)))
This sounds so so tough, and given the sickness and sleep deprivation you've had, you have certainly earned your mother stripes and I have NO doubt that you are doing a fantatic job - definitely NOT a falilure.
I have no advice, but can realate to the horrible bedtime crying. We used to wonder why Jee would cry as if we were dipping him into hot lava - it was seriously that bad. We continued with the same sleep routine, and it wasn't long before it was a distant memory, and I hope it will be the same for Little D. I truly do.
PS - It's your blog and you can "woe is me" if you want to - we love to read it no matter what!!!
Oh, man. You have had way too much of the sickies to deal with, Janet! I don't have any advice for you, but I'm thinking about you and hoping that better days (and nights!) are coming your way soon.
I don't think this is a whiny post -- I think it is real. And you deserve to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm with Elizabeth that Dylan is definitely at the age where the art of manipulation if fully in play. I feel like Jaden had a sleep reversion around this age, but putting in the night light did solve it for him. But we didn't have the sickness. Things are exponentially more difficult when our little ones are sick.
Thinking of you, and hoping things get back on the right track after this virus passes.
Oh YUCK!!! I am so sorry you are having another wave of sickness come through your house. Poor Little D has had a tough fall already. I hope that you and your DH can stay healthy through this round. Lack of sleep makes everything harder and not feeling well can throw it all off. Hopefully you will be able to jump back into your new routine once D is feeling better.
Jan, I feel your pain.
It has been so long for me that
I have no advice. Except I know it
will get better. I am sure it is sick related. Hang in there.
Oh Janet, I am so sorry to hear he is sick again :( You know I feel your pain on this one...sickness is the WORST and truly our hardest times with Matthew have been when he's sick (even with smaller things like an ear infection).
First of all I would say that this is NOT your fault and it is obvious you love your little guy so much...it's so hard that we can't stop these things from happening to our little ones :(
The sleep stuff...sucks. We have had the same thing since Matthew came home. We'd get in a routine, he'd be sleeping through the night, then he'd get sick and was all over the place again. It is so discouraging :( His most recent sickness was the worst (only an ear infection) and he would SCREAM bloody murder when we put him to bed, then he'd go to sleep, but he'd wake up soon after screaming, and be up for hours on end. He would scream so bad when we'd put him in bed and we couldn't figure out why - I thought he was being naughty and felt terrible when I found out it was his ears :( We ended up taking a bed in beside his crib (once he was on meds) and I slept there for a about a week. I thought that would throw his sleep training out the window (he goes to sleep by himself and can get back to sleep if he wakes up in the night) but actually once he felt better he very easily went back to how he was before. I hope so much that is the case for Little D! I agree with Elizabeth that sticking with the routine is best...I hope you can figure out what is making him sick or that he just gets over it by himself soon. I'm so sorry that this is so miserable :(
Oh geez, Janet. You really can't catch a friggin break. I'm so sorry to hear that Little D is once again sick. I really hope that once he is feeling better that he gets back in the groove with his sleep. hang in there mama!
janet, i'm so sorry about D being sick again and now the sleep issues are rearing their ugly head again. uggh. i just cannot imagine. i have no advice, but am sending hugs to you guys. take care and get some rest.
Oh Janet... I really feel for you. I want to come give you a great big hug and tell you, in person, that you are an AWESOME MAMA.
I feel so so so bad that you are going through sickness, again! And I literally feel sick to my stomach after reading about your sleeps issues. But I can almost guarantee it's the illness. We went through almost the same thing the past two times S was sick (the ear infection was especially bad) I actually spent several nights "sleeping" reclined in bed with him laying on my chest. It was the only way he would sleep. So you know what?! I did it. I threw it all out the window and did whatever it took to get him to sleep, and stay asleep. I might be the only one saying this, but if you have to throw everything out the window to get through this time, do it. We did when S was sick, and he bounced right back into the routine once he felt himself again. (When S is sick, he just doesn't sleep great... which results in an over-tired boy. He's actually gone to sleep at 5 some nights he was so beat... And, he's much harder to get down when he's over-tired. Near impossible.) Now granted, we've been through some sleep hell recently too, but ironically, all of the getting to sleep and getting back to sleep has stayed intact. (BTW - have you noticed I only blog about sleep when we aren't actually sleeping?! I think it's our coping mechanism.) And, if I'm wrong and he's playing you, this definitely isn't the time to start re-inforcing sleep training. Wait until he's not running a fever and you've logged some Zzzzs too.
Oh Janet, I really wish I could make this better... or at least come bearing a bottle of wine and take a shift or two. Hang in there Mama. (Make that awesome, super, incredible Mama.)
Janet, I'm so sorry to read about the sleeping issues and sickness. I pray things get better for you all. Poor Little D:( We haven't had many sleeping issue with X, but he gets sick often. Whenever he is sick, he always has trouble sleeping and our routine is thrown out the window. We give him with whatever he needs to get through the night - even if it means bringing him into our bed. And when the sickness is over we are usually able to jump back to our routine. It sounds like Little D is REALLY sick and just needs to be comforted. Hang in there, I have confidence you'll get back to your old routine once he feels better. Big hugs to you.
Oh Janet! Hugs to you. Wow, you guys have had a rough couple of weeks. :-( And NO you are NOT an epic failure as a mommy - you are absolutely the opposite.
Coincidentally, Josiah has been sick on and off the last few days with a high fever, flu, etc. so his sleep has been completely turned upside down. For me, when he's sick ALL I want is for him to sleep {and for me to get some, too!} - and that usually means that I hold him while sitting in a chair {similar to what Christine mentioned} or lay next to his bed on the floor all night or we camp out on the living room floor {we did that for most of last night}. I do it because it works for him while he's ill. Si has NEVER EVER been a good sleeper until the last few months, so whenever he does get sick, I just pray that he falls back into a good sleep pattern...and he does.
My advice would simply be to follow his lead while he's so sick and hold off the sleep training until he's better. Perhaps it will help both of you to get some good snoozin' in and Little D can start feeling better soon!
Thinking of you!
The sickness bug has joined us here as well. It's awful. Evrything gets thrown off and all out of whack. Get healthy and things will get easier I promise.
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